(The episode opens at Camp Kidney.)
Scoutmaster Lumpus: (over PA system) Now here this, scouts! Time to wake up and get to work! Everyone to the flagpole at once! Let's get a move on, campers!
(The Bean Scouts run outside to the flagpole, and Lumpus and Mr. Slinkman walk up to them)
Scoutmaster Lumpus: We have a lot of work to do today, and I don't wanna see any slacking off! (The camera cuts to the scouts) Or I'm giving out demerits! Everyone get to work!
(The scouts run off. Dave is shown choking himself with a hose.)
Scoutmaster Lumpus: Dave! That is not the way we coil here! (Dave nervously fixes the hose)
(Raj is raking leaves)
Scoutmaster Lumpus: Raj! You have put oak leaves in a spruce pile! Clam! You drop a pinecone! (Clam, who is holding some pinecones, looks at one he dropped. The camera focuses back on Lumpus) Very sloppy scout heads! (The camera shows Lazlo and one of the lemmings standing next to tree stumps holding axes) I am very disappointed in all of you! (He and Slinkman leave)
Edward: (walking up with a shovel) This stinks.
Dave: (trembling with fear) Lumpus is gonna work us to death!
Raj: (holds a finger up) Something is not quite right with him lately.
Lazlo: Guys, this is too much! Even for Lumpus! (points) I'm gonna go find out what's wrong with our scoutmaster.
(The scene cuts to an angry Lumpus sitting at his desk with a photo and three sheets of paper in front of him.)
Mr. Slinkman: Try to relax, sir; you're getting yourself a little worked up; uh, Jane Doe is a very unique woman, eh, uh I mean, Doe.
(Lazlo is outside Lumpus's office.)
Scoutmaster Lumpus: And what do you know about does, Slinkman?
(Cut back inside Lumpus's office.)
Mr. Slinkman: Well sir, I—
Scoutmaster Lumpus: (angrily points at Slinkman) Nothing!
Mr. Slinkman: Alright, sir.
Scoutmaster Lumpus: (brings the photo closer to him) Ohhh, Jane. (We see the photo is in fact Miss Doe) Cruel, cruel, Jane. (The focus cuts back to Lumpus) I spoke with her, only yesterday.
Mr. Slinkman: How did it go sir?
(Lumpus fearfully looks at the camera as a flashback begins. Miss Doe is standing in the middle while Suzie and Amber run in opposite directions excitedly.)
Miss Doe: Be safe, squuuuuuirrels! (close up on her as she points) Oh, slow down, Almondine! (looks and points in the other direction) Oh, put those mushrooms down, Amber; yah, I'm pretty sure that those are poisonous.
(Lumpus walks up to Miss Doe with what appears to be a turnip.)
Scoutmaster Lumpus: (nervously) Hi, Jane.
Miss Doe: (ignoring Lumpus) Play niiice!
Scoutmaster Lumpus: Um, I was thinking that I'm a scout mistress and you are a scout master, and, maybe we could get together sometime, and eh...
Miss Doe: (ignoring Lumpus; waves angrily) No! Absolutely not!
Scoutmaster Lumpus: (not knowing Miss Doe wasn't talking to him) OK, never mind. (walks away)
Miss Doe: Take that out of your mouth, Suzie.
(The flashback ends)
Scoutmaster Lumpus: It uh, bad, very bad.
Mr. Slinkman: I am uh, sorry to hear that sir. (Is startled by a loud thump)
Scoutmaster Lumpus: IT'S! (thump) JUST! (thump) NOT! (thump) FAAAAAAAAAIR!
(The screen zooms out to show Lazlo still watching this from outside)