Lumpus's Last Stand/Transcript

Lumpus: Are you going to tell me what you want or are you just going to stare?

Slinkman: It's laundry day sir.

Lumpus: Cancel it.

Slinkman: Sorry no can do you've cancelled it so many times that there's only one more page left in the calendar.

Lumpus: Oh really well then let me see. Don't be a sucker Slinky laundry is the biggest waste of time there is why if it wasn't for the laundry we'd have time to solve world hunger and invent time travel.

Slinkman: Or sleep all day on a lawn chair?

Lumpus: Oh okay.

Slinkman: And what about the children? They've been wearing the same filthy clothes for weeks.

Lumpus: Well when I'm feeling less than fresh I simply turn my clothes inside out and let the breeze clean them.

Slinkman: Easy does it sir. We'll just set you down right here now was that so bad? I know what will cheer you up how about putting on a nice pear of clean socks fresh from the dryer would you like that?

Lumpus: Yes I'd like that very much

Slinkman: I thought you would. Huh there's only one sock in here you must've lost the rest at the laundromat well one's better than none I always say.

Lumpus: My dear Slinkman, in light of recent events I'm running off to the woods to live my life free from laundry's tyranny adios compadre ever your friend Lumpus. Oh pickles that's not coming off anytime soon. Good morning.

Raj: Good morning

Lumpus: You noticed anything unusual?

Raj: Well I don't normally have this much shoe with my eggs.

Lumpus: No no no not eggs legs look at my legs does anything stand out?

Lazlo: Oh my gosh your ankles.

Lumpus: What about them?

Lazlo: Isn't that obvious? They're gorgeous it's a shame that you had to hide them under those socks.

Lumpus: Yes that is a shame. Well I am either a lunatic or the greatest genius the world has ever known. Ahem afternoon all.

Lazlo: Look at Lumpus.

Lumpus: What what are you looking at?

Lazlo: Your uniform.

Lumpus: What about it?

Lazlo: I didn't know it came in leather.

Lumpus: Well what do you know I am a genius. Alright listen up Beans say goodbye to those cotton poly prisons called clothes today we break the time wasting Saul washing cycle of wash wear and repeat for I Algonquin C genius has invented a uniform that can be worn around the clock and never needs washing so who wants to try one on?

Edward: Uh does it have to be a Bean Scout uniform?

Lumpus: No not at all choose any style that you like.

Owl Cop: Mr. what in Bob's bingo is going on here?

Lumpus: What does it look like?

Owl Cop: Like a bunch of folks wearing paint instead of clothes. Hey what colors do you have?

Lumpus: And that should about do it.

Owl Cop: Oh man that's perfect.

Lumpus: Kiss those dry cleaning bills goodbye.

Owl Cop: You got any bicycle paint? Oh man I'm telling all my friends about this.

Mayor Pothole McPucker: Ladies and gentleman thanks to our guest of honor laundry is a thing of the past and now we have unlimited fashion choices and tons of extra free time so I've finally been able to hit the gym.

Professor Lion: And I've invented time travel there's something I always wanted to do but I just never had the time.

Futuristic Cow 1: It's the exulted one.

Futuristic Cow 1: All hail the exulted one.

Futuristic Cow 2: The exulted one.

Lumpus: Why thank you and who are you?

Futuristic Cow 1: Oh uh we're from the future.

Futuristic Cow 2: Where you are worshiped throughout the universe.

Lumpus: Oh you don't say.

Futuristic Cow 1: By freeing us from the laundry you've given us time to solve world hunger.

Futuristic Cow 2: And civilization has enjoyed a millennium of prosperity and enlightenment.

Lumpus: What are you here for?

Futuristic Cow 1: We're here to watch the dedication of your statue.

Lumpus: Statue what statue?

Futurstic Cow 1: We brought it back with us.

Lumpus (gasps in excitement).

Futurstic Cow 1: The statue contains the unwashed uniforms of the exulted one's original followers it's the last load of dirty laundry in recorded history.

Mayor Pothole McPucker: Come on exulted one say a few words.

Crowd: Speech speech speech speech.

Lumpus: Let me just start by saying how surprised I am surprised you have an honor to be sooner I mean I was telling people that I've been a genius for years but perhaps I am not here to point fingers there are some people that I like to thank for helping me oh no wait I did it all myself. Yes it's me the exulted one worship me of the universe (laughing).

(After the rain falls down)

Owl Cop: Hey the scoutmaster,He's naked-(looks down) (all the Prickly Pines citizens begin panicking) Now what are we going to do? We destroyed all of our clothes!

Lumpus: That's just a minor setback.

Professor Lion: It's a disaster and you're a crazy person we never should've listened to you.

Lumpus: Noooooooooooo.

Futuristic Cow 1: Well there goes the future.

Futuristic Cow 2: Hey I'm starving.

Futuristic Cow 1: Let's grab a bite.

Owl Cop: Quick let's grab them clothes on.

Prickly Pine citizen: They stink.

Owl Cop: Well they haven't been washed for a thousand years thanks a lot genius.

Real Scoutmaster: Uh huh huh huh! That's him, officer! That's the bad moose who locked me up in the closet all summer and he stole my job as the scoutmaster. He fooled all of you! He's an impostor, a fake, and worse, he is no scoutmaster of Camp Kidney!

Bean Scouts: What?

Lumpus: Yeah, so? (A hospital guard walks up and puts a straight jacket on him) What are you doing? Hey! Get your hands off of me! (The hospital guard then picks him up and walks off with him) I'll get you for this, cow!               

Real Scoutmaster: It's steer!

Lumpus: I'm a genius, you know! (the hospital guard drives off with him) I'M A GENIUS!    

Lazlo (after Lumpus was dragged away by the police): Goodbye, Scoutmaster Lumpus! Get some rest now!(Lazlo, Raj, Clam, Samson, and Edward are standing around naked) Boy, what a happy ending this has been.

Edward: Lazlo, we're standing here in Prickly Pines naked and the moose that we thought was our scoutmaster had just got hauled off as a deranged lunatic to a funny farm.

Lazlo: Yeah I know! What a great summer this is! Whooo! I can't wait for next year! (Everyone except for Samson walks off-screen).

Raj: I have to agree on that one.

Clam: Uh so do I.

Samson: Okay. I think it's just officially-got-to-the-point where it can't get any weirder. (He then walks off-screen, joining the others). (During the credits)

Male Fish: Hey Helen! Look what fell from the roof! It's a sign from the heavens of male superiority!

Female Fish: That's nice, Stanley. But can you take out the garbage now?

Male Fish: Um, yeah, all right.